Life in Dulwich

02:00 am

I am awake again just two hours after falling asleep – a combination of jet lag (no doubt) and sadness. Fortunately, although the mosquitoes have been biting, I don’t seem to feel the itch so badly. It’s also pleasantly cool and so the heat hasn’t been bothering me.

It’s the second night in a row without sleep, probably getting six hours sleep in total a day including naps. Good thing I’m on holiday.

We went to Esquire Kitchen yesterday, purveyor of Shanghainese cuisine and excellent dumplings. Lovely preserved vegetable and pork noodle soup and crisp wor dip with all the trimmings. We’ll be back for the flower buns, cashew nut chicken and pork belly stew another day. Sadly, I’m still not eating so much but I guess that will come in time.

My calves are in agony. Did a forty-five minute workout yesterday and have found that a hard terrazzo floor (even with a thin coating of carpet) does not make a satisfactory cushion for one’s legs. I shall have to do yoga and strengthen my arms tomorrow instead.

Spent much of today’s shopping trip trying to choose a watch. The watch BB gave me many years ago fell off early this year because the catch broke and I lost it. Now we’ve split up, it’s very difficult to find another watch to replace it. I saw the same watch in a couple of shops and it was hard not to want to go for the same one again. But I need to get away from it, I think.

Choosing a watch is a difficult thing. As bro-in-law says – a watch says a lot about a person and you have it for such a very long time. There was a very nice Fossil watch but perhaps a bit dressy and will probably date. It was similar to my original watch but with wood detailing on the strap. Sounds tacky, I know, but actually looks very nice. Or I could steer away from the contemporary styling altogether and go for something more classic. The bro-in-law pointed out a couple of nice watches – classic round face with numbers around the face and black leather straps. I liked the Victorinox one, but now I quite like the idea of a 1950s style, square faced watch (well with slightly rounded sides) and squarish 50s numbers in a matt steel finish. I think I might wait until I find one that I really like – by which time I might have saved up enough to buy it, whatever price it is.

I wish I hadn’t lost my watch so I wouldn’t have to think about it.
Last night, when I woke up at 1am I made lists. A list so I wouldn’t keep running through my head why I am sad and a list to help me remember what might make me happy. The sad one went on for pages but now I don’t have to run the items on it through my mind anymore.

The happy one may be full of pipe dreams and things that may never happen but it gives me something to aim for and aspire to:

1. I want to travel. China (for my heritage), West Coast of the US (I like the idea of San Francisco and what kind of actress would I be if I never went to Hollywood all my life), hiking in Mount Rushmore Park (because you learn that it’s there when you’re little but, really, it must be spectacular to look at – plus the scenery looked amazing in a film I saw on the plane), Colorado(for my friend Noriko and to go skiing), Australia (for my relatives), bits of Europe I haven’t seen in a while or that I’ve never seen, somewhere spectacularly expensive and beautiful in the Indian Ocean (just so I can experience it in my lifetime).
2. I want to master Mandarin and German – and now I’ve got plenty of time to do it.
3. I want to finish writing my book. I’ve started and now, no matter what, I’ve got to write a bit a day – even if it’s just plot outline or a scene or two or a bit of characterisation.
4. I want to act more.
5. I want to sing more.
6. I want to play the piano more and learn the violin properly.
7. All made possible by earning enough money to retire by the time I am forty-five.
8. I want to build my beautiful dream house to live in with the babies and to call my own.
9. Go hiking – a lot.

We went to see Kung Fu Panda. I loved it. From the moment the film opened it was happy, funny, sweet, feel-good and all the characters were great – even the baddies and the serious ones (well Angelina Jolie’s character was a bit bleh to begin with but loosened up). The panda stayed true to his character, even after he’d trained and become Kung Fu Panda. The wise old sifu was funny and wise and sweet and the scene when he left was beautiful and poetic. He also said something which I’ve heard before and is a typical monkish thing to say – and, yes, is probably corny – but it would probably do me good to remember:

“Yesterday is history, tomorrow is a mystery, but today is a gift which is why it is called the present.”

I loved it from beginning to end and will be getting it on DVD with all the extras as soon as it comes out.